| Chinese
Marriage Custom |
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Chinese
marriage was systemized into custom in the Warring States period
(402-221 B.C.). Due to vast expanse and long history, there are
different customs to follow in different places, although they are
generally the same. Visitors still get chance to witness traditional
marriages in the countryside.
In the ancient times, it was very important to follow a basic principle
of Three Letters And Six Etiquettes, since they were essential to a
marriage.
Three letters include Betrothal Letter, Gift Letter and Wedding Letter.
Betrothal Letter is the formal document of the engagement, a must in a
marriage. Then, a gift letter is necessary, which will be enclosed to
the identified girl's family, listing types and quantity of gifts for
the wedding once both parties accept the marriage. While the Wedding
Letter refers to the document which will be prepared and presented to
the bride's family on the day of the wedding to confirm and commemorate
the formal acceptance of the bride into the bridegroom's family.
Six Etiquettes
Proposing: If an unmarried boy's parents identify a girl as their
future daughter-in-law, then they will find a matchmaker. Proposal used
to be practiced by a matchmaker. The matchmaker would formally present
his or her client's request to the identified girl's parents.
Birthday matching: If the potential bride's parents did not
object the marriage, the matchmaker would ask for the girl's birthday
and birthhour record to assure the compatibility of the potential bride
and bridegroom. If the will-be-married's birthdays and birthhours does
not conflict according to astrology, the marriage will step into the
next stage. Once there is any conflict, meaning the marriage will bring
disasters to the boy's family or the girl's, the marriage stops here.
Presenting betrothal gifts: Once birthdays match, the
bridegroom's family will then arrange the matchmaker to present
betrothal gifts, enclosing the betrothal letter, to the bride's family.
Presenting wedding gifts: After the betrothal letter and
betrothal gifts are accepted, the bridegroom's family will later
formally send wedding gifts to the bride's family. Usually, gifts may
include tea, lotus seeds, longan, red beans, green beans, red dates,
nutmeg, oranges, pomegranate, lily, bridal cakes, coconuts, wine, red
hair braid, money box and other stuffs, depending on local customs and
family wealth.
Picking auspicious wedding date: An astrologist or astrology book
will be referred to selecting an auspicious date to hold the wedding
ceremony.
Wedding ceremony: On the selected day, the bridegroom departures
with a troop of escorts and musicians, playing happy music all the way
to the bride's home. After the bride is clustered to the bridegroom's
home, the wedding ceremony begins.
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Different with
the West, the dominant color on traditional Chinese wedding is red,
almost every thing. Chinese tend to apply red to add happy atmosphere in
such big days.
At dawn on the wedding day, after a bath in water infused with various
grapefruits, the bride puts on new clothes and wares a pair of red
shoes, waiting for the so called good luck woman to dress her hair in
the style of a married woman. Her head will be covered with a red silk
veil with tassels or bead strings that hang from the phoenix crown. Then
she waits her future husband to escort her home, with married women
talking around her how to act to be a good wife.
On the other hand, the bridegroom prepares himself to receive his wife.
He gets capped and dressed in a long gown, red shoes and a red silk sash
with a silk ball on his chest, the groom knelt at the ancestral altar as
his father put a cap decorated with cypress leaves on his head to
declare his adulthood and his family responsibility.
Then the bridegroom set out to receive his bride. Usually he will be
crowded among his friends as escorts and musicians who play happy music
all the way to radiate happiness. Dancing lions, if any, precede the
troop. In the ancient time, a bridal sedan chair (or a decorated donkey
due to poverty or bad traffic) would be used to serve the bride. There
will be a child carrying a bridal box among the people, reflecting the
bridegroom's expectation to have a child in the near future. The most
interesting part of the reception really takes place at the doorstep of
the bride's residence, heavily guarded by the bridesmaids or sisters of
the bride. It is customary for the bridesmaid to give the bridegroom a
difficult time before he is allowed to enter. Usually wisdom and courage
and his friends will help the bridegroom to succeed in the quizzes.
After passing the tests and singing for his bride, the bridegroom is
finally allowed to meet his bride. However, there is one more pass, he
has to negotiate with the bridesmaid and sisters of the bride to
distribute them red packets, with auspicious money enclosed in, in order
to take his bride home.
Before the bride
departures to his bridegroom's home, she will be carried by the good
luck woman to the sedan chair. On her way to the chair, a sister of her
will shield her with a red parasol and another threw rice at the sedan
chair, at the back of which hung a sieve and a metallic mirror that were
believed to protect the bride from evil. The bride has to cry to show
that she does not want to leave her parents.
Then firecrackers will be set off to drive away evil spirits as the
bride sits into the sedan chair. All along the way people make great
efforts to avoid any inauspicious influence. For instance, the sedan
chair is heavily curtained, so as to prevent the bride from seeing an
unlucky sight, e.g. a widow, a well or even a cat. When the parading
troop arrives at the bridegroom's, firecrackers will be set off to hail
the bride's arrival. Before the sedan chair a red mat is placed so that
the bride will not touch the bare earth. By the threshold a flaming
stove and a saddle will be set up, the bride is required to step over,
to avoid evils.
The wedding ceremony is the hottest point. The bride and bridegroom are
led to the family altar, where the couple pays kotows to Heaven and
Earth, the family ancestors and parents successively. Then they bow to
each other and will be led to the bridal chamber. The ceremony proceeds
under a director's prompts and applauses of the audience.
Then there will be a grand feast for relatives and those who help in the
wedding. The newlywed couple will resume to drink wedlock wine.
Generally they are required to cross their arms to sip the wine and then
exchange their cups to gulp down. They also will toast with guests to
pay their thanks. Good wishes of the guests rush to the couple. However,
well-intentioned people will try their best to fuddle the bridegroom who
is dodging to avoid the embarrassing scene.
Teasing games in the bridal chamber: After night falls, the
teasing games start. Usually all young men can participate except for
the bride's married brothers-in-law. Those funny and silly games will
ease the tension, since in ancient times the newlyweds never met each
other before the wedding! Most of the games require the shy couple to
act like wife and husband. The festive atmosphere also promotes
closeness among all the family members and the community beyond. There
also will be other activities conducted by the bridegroom's mother after
the roaring laughter fades into the darkness.
Preparing
the bridal bed:
A good luck man,
usually having a nice family, will help to install the bridal bed in the
right place in the bridal chamber on a selected day before the wedding
day. Before the wedding, a good luck woman will arrange the bridal bed
and scatter candies, lotus seeds, peanuts, beans and fruits of good
meanings on the bed. Nobody is allowed to touch the bed until the couple
enters the bridal chamber after the wedding ceremony. Children will then
be invited onto the bed to bless fertility of the couple.
Dowry: Usually the bride's dowry shall be sent to the
bridegroom's family by the day before the wedding day. Sometimes the
dowry will be brought by the bride's escorting troops on the wedding day
to show off. Traditional dowry normally consists of items such as
jewelry, embroidered beddings, kitchen utensils and furniture. The
package of the dowry is always changing except those basic items of
symbol. For example, dozens of years ago, sewing machine, bicycle, and
recorder were musts in a marriage. Now, they are totally out of fashion.
Bride's
Return: Traditionally, the newlyweds are to return to
visit the bride's parents one or three days after the wedding. They will
be hailed with a banquet and it is the bridegroom's turn to suffer
teasing of the bride's relatives and friends. That is still well
intentioned.
Traditional marriage customs lost its popularity due to the collapse of
feudal marriage custom and its complexity. However, traditional marriage
can still be seen in the countryside, despite innovations. Now,
traditional marriage custom revives in some places and attracts
will-be-couples.
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General
marriage customs
Traditionally, Chinese couples with the same surname cannot marry. Even
if they are not related, it is believed that they stem from the same
ancestral lineage. Cousins who are closely related are also
traditionally not allowed to marry, as it is believed deformed children
will result from such a union. The degree to which this prohibition is
observed varies between ethnic/regional groups in China, and marriages
between cousins do, however, in practice occur for reasons such as
strengthening family ties or retaining wealth within a family.
When a woman marries she is considered to have become the ‘property’
of the groom’s family. Hence, if she is widowed it is not considered
respectable for her to remarry: she will be seen as honourable if she
remains faithful to and with her husband’s family, and cannot remarry
without their consent. Widowhood is considered a noble estate and a good
role model for other women.
Divorce is discouraged among Chinese society and is quite rare,
particularly among those who hold closely to the beliefs of
Confucianism. Couples are encouraged to resolve disagreements and
disputes, and parents may mediate between the two.
Spiritual
marriage
Traditonal Chinese custom believes that those in the afterlife continue
with a life in the physical world. People who have passed away can thus
be married to people who are living- this is known as ‘spiritual
marriage’. This may occur in extremis if, for example, a family
has only one male heir who dies young and unmarried thus leaving the
family without the possibility of ancestor worship. To ensure that this
continues, the family of a dead man will search for a bride- who may be
the late man’s girlfriend- and her family is offered a sum of money.
If a marriage results, the ceremony is similar to the normal marriage
ceremony, the bride comes to live with the dead man’s family and may
then adopt a child to thus continue the lineage.
Marriage between two dead people is also possible- if, by the help of a
medium, it is ascertained that the dead man has not married in the
afterlife- and a close nephew will be adopted as the dead man’s son.
Spiritual marriage is very uncommon.
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